Oh?

"You get angry because i told you to stop saying personal things about me to my friends. You are incredibly selfish and immature, and i cannot fathom how you become so worked up at me and them, when you know perfectly well that they are people who cannot keep their mouths shut. If you want to be mad and push us away, that's fine, but maybe it's time to realize that every person you talk to isn't one for personal discussion, as they clearly don't show enough respect to what your telling them."

I'm incredibly selfish and immature? Oh... I didn't realize. I didn't realize that you were the one who hurt me and left me when I still liked you, and you fucking knew. You took advantage of that didn't you, by telling me that you still liked me, when I was drunk, making me believe that we were going to get back together. So then, out of all hope, you fucked me. At 3am, in a football field. You held me and kissed me and made me believe that we were getting back together. And after you got what you aimed to get, you told me it "wasn't going to work out". You used me. But I'm selfish and immature? You don't have the guts to fuck me when I'm sober, you'll wait till I'm fucking blind drunk. But I'M selfish and immature.

Sorry for befriending your friends too. They opened up to me, so I did to them. One of them told me I could trust them. Maybe I am stupid for believing it, but I've learnt my lesson. All I did was tell them the fucking truth. I told them how I was hurt. They gave me advice and helped me out. I didn't know they could be so heartless.

And it's pretty sad how you have to tell me this. When all I did was push 3 people away that had broken my trust. What else was I fucking supposed to do? What the fuck would you do?

So go on, call me selfish and immature. I've learnt my lesson, and I'm dealing with it.

Never Trust Anyone

Ever. I'm never fucking trusting anyone again.
With anything. I'm never going to open up with anyone.
Even if you tell me I can trust you.
Fuck you.

Lithium

The smell of my bedroom after mum had vacuumed it/The feeling of getting in my little boots/When I couldn't wait for the grass to be mowed so I could play soccer and kickball in the backyard/Picking insects off plants/Digging in the dirt with mums best spoons/Collecting worms and butchy boys/Having the time of my life running over the sprinkler/Having my neighbors come play in the blow-up pool/Riding my bike across the rode/The feeling of when I first got my scooter/I'd get excited walking into Toys R' Us/I'd beg mum for those lollies at the super market/When school homework was only on Fridays and it was a page long/When the holidays came you were allowed to stay up for as late as you could/Watching Nickelodeon with Jordan and Loz/Going to Jordan's house and playing in the apple tree/Getting up at 6am to watch Cheese TV/When I'd run to my mum and hug her when I got home from school/Swinging on the clothes line with my brother/Getting into trouble was the worst thing imaginable/Getting smacked by the wooden spoon/Watching cartoons after school, everyday/The smell of the old orange velvet couches we had/When I'd cry from nightmares/Driving to Jordan's in mums red car listening to Silver Chair and Nirvana.

First Gig

www.myspace.com/cashno

http://www.myspace.com/imilktigers

I played my first gig last night (19th Feb 2010). I was so nervous and excited! But when we got on stage, things went better than I thought they would. Although my voice was hella squeeky and I messed up a few times, we still got some pretty awesome feedback and got offered a gig! So that was pretty cool. I love the feeling of playing a show. I absolutely love it. I love meeting the bands we play with too. We played at The Central Club with I Milk Tigers, Greenhouse Ghosts and Cash No! Good bands that I hope to play with again! I don't have a photo of Greenhouse Ghosts playing yet, or us. But I will post them up when I get them :) SIIIIICK!

Never again, always I will

I actually think, that I'm afraid to fall in love.
Fuck.

I guess this it's a consequence of a risk.
I want to start a grunge band.
The Breeders/Veruca Salt/Nirvana/The Cardigans influenced.
Grunge is a genre of musical freedom, I love it.

"A sky this blue deserves you"

http://www.myspace.com/valentiinemusic

No, just... No

I don't care about your social politics! So shut the hell up. Stop trying to always one-up me on how "punk" you are and how much I'm not. I don't care that I don't wear a leather jacket with studs, I don't care that I don't put up a mohawk or wear a tartan skirt! I also don't care how many studs and rips your clothes have, and I also don't give a shit about how you think your top stuff because you know a punk band that I haven't even heard of. What's even worse is that you do this in front of your "punk" buddies, and they laugh!

Well I'm laughing at how hard your trying to fit in with them. I love punk rock music. I love what they stand for. I love the feeling I get from listening to punk. I absolutely love it. But it does not mean that I agree with the social politics of it all. And it does not mean that I will wear what is considered "punk". I'll wear what ever the hell I want, get over it! You make me so furious in how your always trying to tell others about my place in my band! To be honest it has nothing to do with you, and there is no need for you to make comments like "Oh, she doesn't even dress like a punk, why is she in a punk band?"

Playing punk music, is a fucking passion. I love it like nothing else. It's a way I can vent, it's a way I can get what I need to say out to people. It's a way in which I can musically express myself. And I feel that I don't need to express myself through the punk fashion, like you. I know you've wanted to be in a punk band for ages, and I know you've wanted to be in my band for ages! But it gives you no right to try and tell me how it is, and try to make me feel like i don't deserve to be in it because your more of a "punk rocker" than me. You can dress however you please! But if your going to give me crap about how I want to dress and what I believe in, don't even think that I will let you get away with it, without me having a say.

This band is the one thing I have found that I truly love. Don't you fucking dare try and take this away from me. Your a selfish, inconsiderate, snobby punk rocker.

Rock Rockity Rock

It's 1:07am on a Friday morning. My kitten is asleep on my lap and I have a really good coffee. I'm on top of all my homework, even though year 12 is a bite on the butt! I'm still doing pretty alright. Focusing a lot on my studio art work and media. Two folio subjects, argh. Intense, but definitely do-able. For studio, the theme I'm basing my work around is Contemporary Feminism and Riot Grrrl. And for media, my theme is demonic possession. I have a lot of ideas, but it's so hard to write them all down into perfect words that contribute 30% to my final score for the year!

Anyway, a rockin' party tomorrow night! Then band prac for a few hours, then possibly making my way down to St Kilda Festival! I also got $50 today from my aunty (a late birthday present)! Cigarettes and graphic novels, here I come. Oh yeah, and I got absolutely drenched in the rain today after school. I walked in through the front door and I felt like I had just gotten out of a pool. By boots were full of water and they were so squelchy!

Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy! Squelchy!JWHBDKEBFADBNFKLJNDFLJNDFLJBADSJBL

A conversation with 2 junkies

in a McDonald's toilet. Yep. I went upstairs to use the bathroom in the maccas on Elizabeth street and I opened the door to see 2 older women, drinking vodka and holding needles. My first instinct was to leave, but i REALLY needed to go. I opened the door, and as soon as I did they started to talk to me. Saying that they liked my style and that it was "wicked" and that I had cool hair. They told me that they used to be like that when they were my age, all alternative and what not. One of them even said that they used to be a hippy, but just got older and grew out of it. They both said that they dropped out of it as they got older. They had a few laughs about when they were teens and told me to cherish my years. The women left the toilet leaving the bottle of now empty vodka and needles (god forbid whatever was in them) in the sinks. As I was in the toilet by myself, I thought to myself if I was going to end up like them, shooting up and drinking in a maccas toilet. I kinda shuddered to the thought, and still do, but I also wondered if I will ever grow out of my lifestyle. If I will ever grow out of the music I listen to. If I will ever grow out of wearing my doc martens and flanny.

Growing up scares me sometimes.
I don't want to end up like my mother.

Finally

I'm cutting you off completely. It's what I fucking need. I don't want to hear about you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to know you, I don't want to hear from you, I don't want to be friends with you.
I'm so exhausted trying all the time, trying to make things work, when they just won't, as friends. Don't try and hang onto me, when you gave all your fucking might to let go of me and push me away. It's rather confusing, and I don't need that right now.

I need to find my mind again. I need to find my heart again. I'm getting there, and it does take time. Closure. By God, it's bliss.

Kaleidoscope

First day of Year 12 today was shitty. So many new kids have arrived at my school, 150 of them... It's so hard to find the people I actually know now, through the big crowds! My school used to be so small. I have actually learnt to appreciate and love my year level. A lot.

I have learnt not to take anything for granted either, cause things change so much and you then realize how much you miss it and want it back! Like my classes last year, god how I used to have so much fun! We used to get up to so much mischief. But this year I have to take extra seriously... Because yes, I actually DO want to get into a uni. I am going to make the most out of this year though.

Time for some change, adventure and fun. Oh yeah, I'm not looking for love anymore. I am going to wait. I'm not even going to try. Maybe then, something will come to me, instead of me always chasing after it. Maybe then, things will work out :)

Listening to an awesome band, Pet Salad. Check it bra.

I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.
I'm happy.